Friday, September 14, 2007

Sudden Death

Yesterday Sudden Death came in the mail! The other day my brother and I were talking about it and he did confirm that we saw this movie years ago. Since I couldn't remember much about it other than it wasn't that good, he warned me about the end of the movie. I was already preparing myself for the worst but I didn't anticipate just how bad it would be.

This movie is unbelievably bad. So bad that it shouldn't be in the Action/Drama/Thriller category, but rather the comedy section because I laughed so damn hard during this movie. I'll get into more about why this movie is so funny later in the "Spoiler" section because I don't want to give away too much information to those who have not seen the movie. Although, everyone should just read the "Spoiler" section since I'm not sure why anyone would actually want to rent this movie without knowing what they're getting themselves into.

Sudden Death is about a group of "terrorists" that takes the Vice President hostage while he's at Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs and Jean-Claude Van Damme (JCVD) is, of course, the one who fights all of them in an attempt to save the Mellon Arena Vice President. The plot was confusing at first because it took awhile before you found out exactly why the VP was held hostage. Then once you do find out why he's held hostage you realize it's the lamest plot ever because who the hell ever cares about the Vice President? I'm sure if that ever happened the US President would just say, "Sure, kill him! As long as it's not me!" The movie has a lot of bad acting, several fight scenes, clips of the hockey game, and a lot of shooting.

First of all, no matter how much you like watching hockey clips in movies, if you don't like Jean-Claude Van Damme don't even bother renting this movie. Watch Youngblood because, despite the cheesy hockey shots, it's much better than Sudden Death. JCVD is the only famous actor in this movie and no one else in the movie stands out as a great memorable actor. As usual JCVD's acting was terrible and his fighting was pretty good. Although I did think it was funny that his character, a former fireman, was so good at martial arts fighting! There are many parts in the movie that are so unrealistic, which I think is a big contributor to why the movie sucks. The ending is so ridiculous and asinine that I just sat on the couch speechless because I didn't even know where to start my critique (even IMDB notes that what happens at the end of the movie isn't physically possible). The BF noted that this movie was made during a time (1995) when any movie could get made despite how bad it was. Save yourself the time and money and don't watch it.

The good part of the movie: Luc Robitaille makes an appearance and even has a couple lines. He speaks in French to JCVD and scores the game-tying goal to send the game to Sudden Death overtime...get it!?! Seeing Luc made my day and I was surprised that I didn't remember that he is in it. I heart Luc! ;)

The best comedic part: The first fight scene occurs in the kitchen of Mellon Arena and is between JCVD and a female member of the terrorist group. The female actually looks like a tranny so it's possible that she was really a he. Regardless, she was in the Penguins mascot costume so JCVD was essentially fighting a huge penguin. For most of the fight the Penguin was kicking his ass and since the fight was occurring in a kitchen both fighters were using all sorts of equipment to inflict the most damage. I'm not sure how the Penguin was able to put up such a good fight considering the costume looked like it significantly impaired her mobility. This fight scene was by the far the funniest part of the movie. I replayed several parts because I couldn't believe that JCVD was getting rocked by a Penguin.

The most annoying character: This award is split amongst three characters: the lead terrorist, JCVD's son, and JCVD's daughter. The lead terrorist was just an ass. He wasn't snarky or scary or mean, just annoying. He was such a bad "bad guy" and I kept hoping that the actor would miraculously change in the middle of the movie so I didn't have to listen to this jackass talk.

The "actors" that play the kids are just as annoying as the lead terrorist. I think the son may have been in Sleepless in Seattle because he looked familiar. The reason the kids were at the game is because JCVD is the fire Marshall at Mellon Arena and he had two tickets to the game. Since he was technically working during the game he told his kids to stay in their seats even in the arena came tumbling down. While the daughter was a stupid ugly brat and left her seat, the son stayed in his seat even though Mellon Arena was practically exploding and falling down. At the end of the movie JCVD runs to find his son and finds him still sitting in his seat and the kid says while crying, "I stayed in my seat. I stayed. I didn't move." Fuck you, kid! How stupid do you have to be to actually take your dad's word so literally! Stupid kids piss me off.

The daughter is probably the worst because she's so unlikeable. Call me pretentious and superficial but if kids are going to be in commercials, tv shows, or movies, they better be super cute and adorable. This girl was neither. She had coke bottle glasses, a Penguins hat that was too big and looked like had never been worn before (as in, the bill was flat and the hat still looked kind of boxy), her hair was out of control and her voice was annoying. Ugh, I couldn't stand her! And whenever one of the terrorists would grab her hand and run away from JCVD she would scream but also keep running with them. Please, bitches! If I was getting kidnapped I would go limp and make the person drag me or carry me, or at least try to bite the hell out of the guy or kick him in the crotch! Such bad writing!

Runner up for most ridiculous scene:
The Penguins' starting goaltender leaves the game in the third period because he was sick. While he was in the locker room sucking down oxygen and resting, JCVD ran in there in an attempt to hide from yet another terrorist that was chasing him. JCVD was running out of hiding options so he put on the goalie gear and went on the ice. Thinking that his starter returned to the ice, the coach put him in net. JCVD looks rusty but, of course, ends up making a HUGE save!! In order to get off the ice and continue saving the world, he starts a fight and is assessed a game misconduct. Was that scene necessary? Nope! Was it cool? Nope! Was it stupid and pointless? YES!

First place for most ridiculous scene:
Towards the end of the movie JCVD has to get on the Mellon Arena's roof where he fights another terrorist group. The roof is opened so that he can get into the arena from the top. Well, the roof remains partially open and at the end of the movie, the lead terrorist guy and JCVD are fighting on the top of the jumbotron when a helicopter flies overhead and releases a ladder on which the lead terrorist climbs up to escape. JCVD then jumps on the ladder as well and shoots into the helicopter successfully killing the pilot who in his last moment of life makes the helicopter go in reverse. In a completely impossible manner, the tail becomes perpendicular to the ground and the helicopter flies downward (tail first), through the open roof, and crashes on the ice. I don't claim to know much about the mechanics of a helicopter but the whole progression from when the pilot is killed to the helicopter crashing on the ice looked completely fake. I kept saying, "wait, is that even possible? It looks so ridiculous! What is going on! What?!!?" And the BF was shaking his head the entire time saying, "That's not possible!!!!" IMDB noted in the Goofs section that, "A helicopter's lift is always in a direction nearly parallel to the rotor axis, so it cannot come close to maintaining a position where its nose is straight up. In such a position it would move violently sideways (the rotor leading) and fall rapidly." And then the movie ended. Yep, that's the end. Super Awesome, right? I bet you're thinking, wow, "why doesn't my nearest Blockbuster carry this movie??"


Steph said...

But the important question is: WHO WON?

KMS2 said...

THE GAME NEVER ENDS!!!!! Can you believe that?!