Youngblood

Over the weekend I finally caved and signed up for Netflix. First movie on my list: Youngblood.

Youngblood arrived today and I watched it as soon as I got home. In case you've never heard of the movie or are unfamiliar with the plot, Youngblood is about a young man (Rob Lowe, squee!!!) who makes a junior hockey team in hopes of making the pros, but must compete alongside veterans (Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves) and face his nemesis, a goon (some random actor) whose roster spot he stole. Oh, almost forgot, and there's sex. Oh, wait, one more thing, and there's naked men (and one neh-ked lady).

Naturally, the movie is quite bad. It was made in 1986 and is such a horrible sports movie in terms of action shots. About 95% of the hockey sequences are in slow motion, have fog (or steam), and will either show the face and uppper torso or the skates, but rarely the entire body. So whether or not Rob Lowe, Patrick Swayze, and Keanu Reeves are actually capable of playing hockey is anybody's guess. The hockey sequences are accompanied by classic 80s "intense sports" instrumentals where you're half expecting to see G.O.B. slide out on the ice, do his light show, and perform an illusion.

If you don't want to know more details about the movie, stop reading!

The movie starts out with "home video" of little kids playing hockey which doesn't quite fit in with the movie. Rob Lowe's character sort of brings it up later in the movie but this footage could have been shown during the end credits of the movie. The real opening shot of the movie is way too long. Rob Lowe is wearing pants only they look like pants that male figure skaters should wear in place of tights. Basically, his hockey pants are a little queer. He skates for what seems like eternity, shoots a ton of pucks, and his hair and jersey flow in the wind like Modano's luscious, but slowly thinning, mane.

The best scene of the movie is right after Rob Lowe's tryout with the junior squad. Pre-plastic Patrick Swayze is topless and his guns and pecs are outstanding. Other nameless men are topless and Rob Squee Lowe is in nothing but a jock strap. At first you only see him topless and then he walks around with a tiny little towel wrapped around his hiney and then he takes the towel off. I kept saying, "turn around. c'mon, turn around. almost. turn around. you can do it....there you go....oh yeah, nice!" ;)

If I hadn't read The Code I would have thought that the fighting and goonery in the junior league game were absolutely ridiculous. I was always under the impression that junior hockey was quite tame but The Code really shocked me. The Code discussed how junior hockey has (or maybe, had) some of the worst bench clearing brawls and violence because players are trying their hardest to make it to the pros. In the book Ray Ferraro even discussed how being a small guy was horrible during those bench clearing brawls because he had to find an opponent as soon as possible otherwise he could get paired up with someone much bigger and stronger than him who would just pummel him.

Knowing about the fighting in junior leagues made the movie a bit more realistic. However, I loved how the Thunder Bay team and home arena were oozing with goonery. Rob Lowe's nemesis looked like he was 30 and that all he could do was hit the shit out of opponents and the arena had a chain link fence on top of the boards rather than the usual glass. Despite being able to believe the bench clearing brawl and nasty plays, some of the hits were just a bit too dirty to ignore and I still think that the stick work at the end of the movie was a bit far fetched, but then again, I've never witnessed any games or fights in the junior league.

Patrick Swayze was kind of weird and scary with his teeth chattering thing. Keanu Reeves had about 2 lines in the movie and I think he was trying to speak with a French-Canadian accent so his acting was just as bad in this movie as it is now. The coach's daughter had some serious bangs and tapered, high-waisted pants but she was actually really cute so I guess it was ok that she won Rob Lowe's heart. The scene with the landlady was just odd. I'm not really even sure it was that necessary but it did provide some humor.

As bad as the movie is, it's quite enjoyable as long as you go into it with a light heart, low expectations and the eagerness to see a young, hot, and unbelievably squee-worthy Rob Lowe.

Update: I completely forgot to mention that Rob Lowe looked like a hotter and fiercer Sidney Crosby. His lips were always a bright red, his cheeks were rather rosy, and his hair was very wavy. If Sid lost the baby fat in his face, squinted and had lighter colored eyes, he would look just like a hot, young Rob Lowe.