Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Kings (non)Update and Interview

Not much has happened lately in the land of the LA Kings. Here’s what I’ve uncovered from scouring the team’s website.

La Kings 2007 Development Camp began Sunday, July 8 and will end Saturday July 14. The Toyota Sports Center isn’t too far from my living quarters but I didn’t feel like waking up before noon on Sunday to watch little boys make ice flurries. Since I still have a full-time job that is not close to the rink I won’t be able to take a long coffee break and sneak a peek. No news yet on which players impressed and I’m not expecting to hear anything from the LA Times ever and I bet the LA Kings website will have a summarized report of the Camp once it ends.

Luc Robitaille took part in the Draft process for the first time as part of the team’s personnel staff. I was disappointed to find a lack of juicy gossip in the report. What? No reports of who passed gas the most often? Who’s the crankiest in the morning or which guy pulled off the best prank? Instead of the fun stuff we learned that the staff endures a lot of pressure and nervous moments. C’mon Luc, during your draft you spent 9 rounds sitting in the stands, practicing for the annual Hot Dog competition and you didn’t notice the amount of work that every team puts in?

There’s an
article about newly acquired winger Kyle Calder. It’s titled, ”A Little Bit Country, A Little Bit Rock N Roll”, the lamest title ever. Just because a guy twiddles his fingers on a guitar doesn’t make him a country music star or the next Dave Matthews. The only interesting tidbit in the article is that his nickname is Grease, ”due to the ‘play along the boards’.” Don’t get it? Yeah, me neither. KC, you need another nickname. Oh, wait, did I just give you one?! KC, so clever. Or how about KCal? (SoCal fans will get that one.)

What I was really hoping to find on the Kings website was an interview with Michal Handzus. However, seeing how boring the Robitaille and Calder interviews/articles were, how about I give you a glimpse into what my interview of Handzus would be like:

kms2: Handzie…can I call you that? No, wait, don’t answer that, because no matter what you say I’m going to call you that.
Michal Handzus: umm…ok?
K: What’s more exciting about coming to LA? Finally being able to snuggle with fellow Slovaks, Nagy and Lubie, or surfing the waves with Blake?
MH: Who’s Blake? Didn’t he retire a couple seasons ago? Well, I guess I’d have to say snuggling with Nagy and Lubie. Those guys are great.
K: Oh yeah? Good answer. So who’s the big spoon?
MH: Well, look at me, obviously it’s me!
K: (being under 5’ she can’t quite see his eyes since he’s 6’5”) Yeah, dumb question, sorry. Next one: How long did it take you to grow your hair that long?
MH: I’ve had it this length for so long I can’t even remember.
K: Obviously you use conditioner. But do you wet, lather, rinse, and repeat?
MH: Definitely repeat. You never know what the guys will stick in there.
K: Do you think you could help any of the other guys with taking better care of their hair?
MH: Oh sure! Fro and Jack Johnson both have flat hair. I have some recommendations that would give them more volume. It would give them more sex appeal.
K: Oh, Handzie, you need to call him JMFJ! Didn’t you hear? He almost choked a bitch for calling him Jack Johnson. And I don’t think JMFJ needs to have volume because he already takes down ass like you wouldn’t believe! And around here we say squee-appeal. Seriously, Handzie where have you been??

The interview would continue for another 5 or 10 minutes with the two of us giggling like high school girls, gossiping about each player, holding hands playing hopscotch...the usual. When the interview would finally come to a close, we would bid each other adieu promising to meet again for another interview at the end of the season to recap his first season with the Kings.

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