With one week left till Cammy's arbitration hearing with the Kings, PCV caught up to him and forced him to cooperate with a completely unprofessional interview about his relationship with current and former teammates and the organization's personnel.
PCV: Hey there, Cammy!
MC: ugh...hey.
PCV: do you remember almost running me over about a year ago?
MC: what? no. I have a stellar driving record I would never have done such a thing. How dare you accuse me of such blasphemy! If you don't stop making false accusations, I'm going to have to-
PCV: [cuts him off] OK! Someone's testy!...I take it you're a bit annoyed that the arbitration hearing is still on?
MC: Arbitration? No, I have tee time in T minus 2 hours and I still have to get into my golf gear and strectch so that I don't pull a hammy.
PCV: Oh I see. That would be most unfortunate if Cammy pulled a hammy. tee hee hee! Sorry, ok, first question: Looking back on the last season, which player were you the saddest to see either traded away or not re-signed?
MC: For the team's sake I would say Matty [Norstrom], because of the leadership and presence that he brought to the team. However, personally, I was most upset and saddened to see [Sean] Avery traded to the Rangers.
PCV: Oh My God! Me too!!! I've been saying all along that he's someone you want on your team but never want on the opposition. I have the softest, tiniest spot in my heart reserved my Aves.
MC: Yeah, that's true. But we have a lot of similarities and we were really tight off the ice. He was my wingman and it's tough having to train a newbie that doesn't have the connections and moves that Aves has.
PCV: Wingman? Connections and moves? I'm not following...
MC: For one thing, we're about the same age and size. But Aves is real tough and would always have my back. We also both have the amazing looks that make most guys go gay for us, but thankfully we could ward them off by hanging around all the beautiful, fine A-list female hotties.
PCV: Let me guess: Jessica Alba? I hear she's popular with the male fanbase.
MC: I think we may have been at the same parties. But I was talking about the usual A-Lister partygoers like that chick from The OC-
PCV: [quickly cuts him off again] don't call it that
MC: and of course, the ever fabulous, Elisha Cuthbert, Sean's girlfriend. Oh wait, fiancee! Way to go bro! Gotta lock that shit up!
[long pause]
PCV: I'm sorry, wait. Did you just use "Elisha Cuthbert" and "A-Lister" in the same sentence?
MC: yeah, what's the problem?
PCV: [looks incredibly confused and slightly frightened] There's no problem. I just didn't think it was humanly possible to use those terms in the same sentence. I guess I had just assumed that there was a Taboo Curse put on certain names that when you used them in the same sentence as "A-List", or any such variation, that an angry mob would appear out of thin air and arrest for you direspecting the "A-List" culture and honor. Oh geez, I think I'm getting light-headed...give me a sec.
[long awkward pause]
PCV: I'm sorry, but I don't think I can continue this interview.
MC: Why? Did I say something?
PCV: Yes, you did. I feel sick to my stomach. Have fun at arbitration. Let's do this again once we know whether or not you'll still be in a Kings jersey.
MC: [looks taken aback] ok, bye.
PCV: Hey there, Cammy!
MC: ugh...hey.
PCV: do you remember almost running me over about a year ago?
MC: what? no. I have a stellar driving record I would never have done such a thing. How dare you accuse me of such blasphemy! If you don't stop making false accusations, I'm going to have to-
PCV: [cuts him off] OK! Someone's testy!...I take it you're a bit annoyed that the arbitration hearing is still on?
MC: Arbitration? No, I have tee time in T minus 2 hours and I still have to get into my golf gear and strectch so that I don't pull a hammy.
PCV: Oh I see. That would be most unfortunate if Cammy pulled a hammy. tee hee hee! Sorry, ok, first question: Looking back on the last season, which player were you the saddest to see either traded away or not re-signed?
MC: For the team's sake I would say Matty [Norstrom], because of the leadership and presence that he brought to the team. However, personally, I was most upset and saddened to see [Sean] Avery traded to the Rangers.
PCV: Oh My God! Me too!!! I've been saying all along that he's someone you want on your team but never want on the opposition. I have the softest, tiniest spot in my heart reserved my Aves.
MC: Yeah, that's true. But we have a lot of similarities and we were really tight off the ice. He was my wingman and it's tough having to train a newbie that doesn't have the connections and moves that Aves has.
PCV: Wingman? Connections and moves? I'm not following...
MC: For one thing, we're about the same age and size. But Aves is real tough and would always have my back. We also both have the amazing looks that make most guys go gay for us, but thankfully we could ward them off by hanging around all the beautiful, fine A-list female hotties.
PCV: Let me guess: Jessica Alba? I hear she's popular with the male fanbase.
MC: I think we may have been at the same parties. But I was talking about the usual A-Lister partygoers like that chick from The OC-
PCV: [quickly cuts him off again] don't call it that
MC: and of course, the ever fabulous, Elisha Cuthbert, Sean's girlfriend. Oh wait, fiancee! Way to go bro! Gotta lock that shit up!
[long pause]
PCV: I'm sorry, wait. Did you just use "Elisha Cuthbert" and "A-Lister" in the same sentence?
MC: yeah, what's the problem?
PCV: [looks incredibly confused and slightly frightened] There's no problem. I just didn't think it was humanly possible to use those terms in the same sentence. I guess I had just assumed that there was a Taboo Curse put on certain names that when you used them in the same sentence as "A-List", or any such variation, that an angry mob would appear out of thin air and arrest for you direspecting the "A-List" culture and honor. Oh geez, I think I'm getting light-headed...give me a sec.
[long awkward pause]
PCV: I'm sorry, but I don't think I can continue this interview.
MC: Why? Did I say something?
PCV: Yes, you did. I feel sick to my stomach. Have fun at arbitration. Let's do this again once we know whether or not you'll still be in a Kings jersey.
MC: [looks taken aback] ok, bye.
1 comment:
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