All-Star Squee Team!

After much pondering about how I could spin Sport Squee's latest entry of the Top Ten Topless Hockey Players into a post of my own without completely duplicating hers, I give you "The All-Star Squee Team"; one goalie, two D, three forwards each for the West and East and no team may be represented twice. Let's go girls! (don't click the link)

Western Conference
Dan Cloutier (G) - Not the best goalie out there (I should know), but since this All-Star team does not take on-ice statistics into consideration, he's on it. I don't think many ladies are aware of what is under that mask (he's the one without the hat). He's got sultry eyes that say "I'm mysterious, sexy, sensitive, and manly...oh yeah, baby". I think he should sit on the bench more because then we would be treated to a lovely face and the better goalie would be playing: a win-win situation. Or, it could be a win-win-win situation since Cloutier wouldn't have to deal with the embarrassment of letting in the first shot of the game.

I was this close to choosing Jose Theodore until I remembered that there's a 99.99% chance that he's infected with diseases that haven't even been discovered. So what would be the point of picking him if you had to quarantine him?

Nicklas Lidstrom (D) - He may be 37 but ooooooooh, girl! He's got crystal clear, blue eyes, his English is so good, and he can really hit that puck, can't he? I'm sure there are some ladies who would agree with me.

Scott Niedermayer (D) - I better get him on the list before he retires. So we all saw him rock the caveman beard during the playoffs, but seriously, no one can grow a better beard than him. It's full, thick, well groomed (otherwise it would have been to his knees), with flecks of gray. I realize that puts me 2 for 2 with the old men on D, but you can't go wrong with Scotty Nieds. He's like the George Clooney of the NHL. Yes, that's it, the perfect comparison!! Pure genius, I know.

(And I couldn't pick JMFJ because I already used up my Kings pick. Damn, Cloutier, always ruining everything!)

Rick Nash (LW) - Obvious choice, but what can I say, I'm a sucker for adorable looking men. I love that he's smiling (and showing his teeth) in his hockey profile picture. I just want to squeeze his cute cheeks! I wish I could make him into a stuffed animal and squeal "I want to hug you and squeeze you into itty-bitty pieces!" Bitchany used to have the best photo of him as her profile pic. I think it was from the World Championships where Canada won gold and he has the most perfect smile on his face. Pure gold!

Joffery Lupul (RW) - I can't put my finger on it, but there's just something about Lupul that does it for me. I don't know what it is. Does anyone else feel this way? And check out this super serial extreme close-up photo of him. WTF? Anyway, Lupul is on the All-Star Squee Team. No explanation needed. That's how he rolls. (But I did almost pick Martin Havlat.)

Jason Arnott (C) - I really don't think an explanation is needed when you can see this photo and (brace yourself) this photo. Where did these photos come from (I found them on Google)? Why were they taken? Does it really matter why? Can't we all just be thankful that they exist? (Note: Center is a very competitive position for squees.)

The Eastern Conference team will be announced tomorrow.

(Note: Let it be known that I never used the term "squee" until I became addicted to SportsSquee's blog.)