Thursday, June 28, 2007

Eastern Conference All-Star Squee Team!

Yesterday I put together the Western Conference All-Star Squee Team. It was noted in the comments that had I written this post a week earlier or the trade didn’t happen, then Vesa Toskala would have been appointed to the team. You’ll have to read on to find out whether he made it on the Eastern Conference’s team or if he was out-hotted by another goalie. And yes, out-hotted is a word. It’s kind of like outplayed yet in order to be selected for the Squee Team you can’t outplay someone, you have to be hotter than another player, hence, out-hot. Additionally, in order to level the playing field, I am going to leave out Rick DiPietro and Vincent Lecavalier because they’re too hot. There’s absolutely no way anyone could compete with Rick and his slick eating skills and no one would be able to beat Vinny in a walk-off. Besides, we wouldn’t want to take the chance of one of them incurring a facial injury. With that said, Let’s git r dun.

Eastern Conference

Henrik Lundqvist (G) – With Ricky D out of contention the obvious choice is
Henrik. I hate it when people call him Hank because Hank is such a nasal sounding word and Henrik sounds so much better. His beautiful eyes draw you in and the perfect pearly whites are almost always on display. He’s quite tan for a fella in NY but the color looks good on him, not too bronze or fake. He also has great hair that’s never flat and just the right amount of scruff that makes him look sexy and not sleazy. He knows how to dress himself and I should probably stop talking about him before I start to sound like a stalker or a crazed-obsessed woman, instead of a hockey fan appreciative of a hockey player who takes good care of himself.

Sheldon Souray (D) – I find it amusing that when I image-googled
Sheldon Souray I received a lot of results for his wife. I can’t decide if I like him better with longer or shorter hair. He looks cleaner with shorter hair but he looks more rugged and disheveled with longer hair. I refuse to believe that he’s greasy and will stubbornly argue that he just looks like he took a shower or went for a swim.

Sidenote:I know that one of my friends would be screaming at me to list Joe Corvo, but ehhhh, he doesn’t really do it for me. He is too much of a badass to be squeeworthy. Just to clarify, I don’t mean badass as in, “he’s so f’ing awesome I want to give him a high five and then cuddle”, I mean badass as in “I’m not quite sure I want to get too close to him because he might
knock me out”. But if you’re into those kind of badasses, like guys with mohawks, and like ‘em with tats, Joey C is your man.

Bryan McCabe (D) – I almost forgot about
Bryan McCabe. He’s a cuter version of Dean Winters, the guy who played the sleazy boyfriend on SATC, he was the fuck buddy who mistook “going out for sushi” for well…you get the idea and was the pathetic, Beeper King of NY boyfriend on 30 Rock, who proclaimed that it wasn’t worth living because the Islanders had lost. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that McCabe is a dirty, dirty man. I’m sure McCabe is an awesome guy who just happens to look like he can charm the panties off any girl.

Ryan Malone (LW) – Look at those
Goldilocks curls. He looks so cuddly, like a younger, but not quite as hot, Matthew McConaughey. Give him a year or two to grow into his fine looks. (ok, you got me, I was struggling to find a hot LW).

Martin St. Louis (RW) – On the All-Star Squee Team because of how damn cute he looked when he was embarrassed by Lecavalier saying
the two of them “have a song”. Plus he’s bite size!

Once again, there are a chock full of squee worthy centers. Who to pick?
Chris Drury, Daniel Briere, Scott Gomez, Antoine Vermette, or ET Sidney Crosby? I mainly listed those guys so you would know who came close to being the chosen one. I choose:

Chris Drury (C) – Some may hate how private and boring he is off-ice, but I like that about him. Not knowing much about him off-ice adds to the mysteriousness about him. His on-ice passion is amazing, his beard is only second to Niedermayer’s beard, and he just looks so damn adorable. Even if he chooses to sign with San Jose, or hell, even Anaheim, I will still think he’s one of the top squee-worthy players. Eek! I’m getting all mushy, but I can’t think of anything snarky to say!

So that’s it kiddies, the Western and Eastern Conference All-Star Squee Teams. Think my picks are absolute madness?! Then tell me who’s on your team! But remember the rules: no two players from the same NHL team may be picked, and only one goalie, two D, and three forwards (LW, RW, and C) may be selected for each Conference team. It’s not as easy as it looks.


Bitchany said...

Oh I will post mine up tomorrow....night probably because I work all the damn time and still no Vesa! Sheeeeesh...haha. I do like the choices...good job.

Steph said...

Man I want to do this now too! I wish Elly were around so I could make her do the Eastern Conference. Bah.

Anyway, for the record, McCabe gets about a million points with me for sporting the blue mohawk back in the day. I only wish it would come back.

Kate said...

So, here I am, the first time on your blog, and what do I find, right off the bat? My very favorite squee of all, Chris Drury! As a Sabres fan I may only have a few more days to squee over him, so I'm living it up. Surprisingly, very few people recognize that his blandness is actually extremely hot. I commend you on your excellent, eagle-eyed, squee detecting skillz.

KMS2 said...

McCabe gets about a million points with me for sporting the blue mohawk back in the day

Awww, he had a blue mohawk?? I honestly didn't know anything about him till I started playing fantasy hockey the year after the lockout. Maybe we should start an online petition demanding that he bring back the blue mohawk...

Surprisingly, very few people recognize that his blandness is actually extremely hot.

Kate, I definitely agree! His quietness is oh so sexy, isn't it?

Heather B. said...

Another squee list, another total lack of Henrik Tallinder. Clearly I'm going to have to rectify this situation by creating my own list.

Fun post!

KMS2 said...

Heather B.: I gave him a look but, I just didn't see it in him. Sorry! I actually never knew who he was till this past season's playoffs. Maybe if I watch him more I'll learn to understand. I'll keep an eye out for him next season.

Isleschick said...

I highly disapprove of DiPietro being replaced with Lundqvist. :(

Steph said...

I'm having trouble pulling up pictures of the actual mohawk (though I know I have some so what is going on here!?) but I think the fact that his action figure comes in a blue mohawk variant should be enough to prove it :b

Wait! Here!

KMS2 said...

IC: It wouldn't be fair to the other guys if I put DiPietro on the team. Him and Lecavalier are just above everyone else.

Steph: that mohawk is ridiculous. He actually doesn't look that hot with it so maybe it's good he doesn't wear his hair like that anymore.

Steph said...

In his defense, when it hadn't been helmet-smashed it looked a little more impressive...but I might have just been blinded by the fact that it was a blue mohawk.

Bitchany said...

SOooo my Eastern Conference is up...that was hard...sheesh.

KMS2 said...

Steph: It would be really awesome if he brought back the blue mohawk and was able to do the shootout without his helmet.

Bitchany: It is hard isn't it?! I'll go and take a look.