Thursday, October 18, 2007

Michal, Michal, Motorcycle

Dear Handzus,

I realize that losing your hair was a very emotional moment but you have to move on. Whatever happened off the ice between you and Crow should stay off the ice. Don't let that personal grudge over who is the only one allowed to have the best hair affect your play on the ice. It's just hair and it will grow back because your name isn't Kyle Calder.

Despite the one goal you scored in London (empty net, too) I've hardly noticed you. You seem to be dragging your lanky 6'-5" frame around the ice instead of graciously skating with fierce intensity every single time your blades hit the ice. I have noticed you on the PK but your play has been greatly shadowed by the tremendous resurgence of Pah-ty O'Sullivan. I'm not suggesting that you acquire a pill depdency to overcome your depression that was onset by your recent haircut, but poppin' an anti-depressant before each game might not be such a bad idea.

Handzus, just do what you got to do in order to be competitive with this team otherwise you'll soon find yourself switching places with Ladislav "where are you?" Nagy. And for the love of God, don't cut your hair before the season is over or else you won't win Barry's gold medal for "Best Hair". Don't let Crow convince you that it is a requirement that your hair be worse than his because that is utter BS. He needs help from a jar of pomade while you have an unruly, yet beautiful and luscious mane of curls.

Go get 'em, Handzus, make me proud!



Chris Kaliszewski said...

Love the letter, it's pretty right on. Goes the same for the rest of the offseason acquisitions.

Also, the Cloutier watch. Nice.
Unsurprisingly...he sucks down there too.


KMS2 said...

Thanks, Chris. I just keep waiting for Handzus to do something but...nothing. I felt the Cloutier Watch was necessary. I wonder if the guys down at Manchester hate him more for sucking so badly or for making so much more money than all of them combined.

And thanks for the shoutout on your podcast!

CKim said...

I told you! Chicken with both legs cut off! ARGH. You hate 73, I hate Handzus.

Chris - Are you guys going to be at the game against Edmonton next Saturday? Hmm, maybe I should ask you on myspace or something...

Earl Sleek said...

Despite the one goal you scored in London (empty net, too) I've hardly noticed you.

Oh, I've noticed Handzus, but not in any encouraging way. Most times there's a goal-against, there he is looking skyward, wondering if it was his missed assignment that scored (usually it was).

It is a bit mystifying--maybe he is hurt, but I thought Handzus was the best signing of DL's offseason. So far it's ranking down at the bottom, next to "not getting a goalie."

KMS2 said...

Oh, I've noticed Handzus, but not in any encouraging way.

Yeah, I meant that I haven't noticed him do anything positive. I agree that he always seems lost, as if he's not quite sure what he's doing playing hockey. I thought he was the best signing, too, probably because I figured he would be back to his pre-injury form. I've been so confused with his play and I hope that it is just a readjusting phase.